Moving on is one of the most challenging phases in anyone’s dating life. It becomes even more challenging when you have to be decent about it. Whining, badmouthing, planning a revenge, begging – these are all so tempting. When you are fueled by your emotions, you can’t seem to think and you risk ending up being the stupid, pathetic fool of an ex that’s going to be the talk of town for as long as possible. The story will go down generations even when you think they have forgotten.
Yes, it is challenging hands down. Your moving on process may just about be the most difficult and most heartbreaking moment of your adult life – but it should not be the most embarrassing. You don’t have to lose your face while at it.
Here is the Remmet Guide to moving on. Read on:
- Let go of everything that reminds you of her. Donate the clothes she’s left to charity. Take down your couple photos off of the wall. Hide her gifts in the attic. Change your toothbrush. Repaint your house if needed. Rid yourself of everything that reminds you of her. This is one of the first steps to starting your life without her in it. You can wallow in the pain for some time, but you can’t live your life being haunted by the ghosts of that relationship and if these things bring those haunting memories back, there’s no reason to hold on to them. Let go of them as you have let go of her.
- Surround yourself with people that make you happy and provide great support. Go home to your family. See your old buddies. Join a new hobby group. Instead of locking yourself up in the house and crying over every scene in The Notebook (or whatever her favorite movie was). Go out there and meet people. Avoid talking about her during these meet ups. This is about you rediscovering the life you have had before her, and discovering the new one that does not have her in it. Make this about you, about them – not about her.
- Think about the benefits of being single. The worst part, for many of us, about being single is being alone. Being single after being in a long relationship can be destructive. If you are there right now, you can read this guide from SIBG.com, to make it a little easier for you. But it should not be that dreadful. Being single means you can go out and meet new women. Being single means you can go out – yes, you can go out without having her around or without having to ask for her permission. Being single means being in touch with what makes you happy – your hobbies, your friends, etc.
- Do something that’s equally distracting and equally happy at the same time. Moving on involves changing your routine and your lifestyle. Do things that will make you happy even if you are single. Try something new or rediscover something you used to love before her. Go backpacking. Enroll in a new gym. Try a new sport. Watch a new series. Distract yourself with some fun things – trust me, you’d lose the urge to booze up every day crying over her old photo.
While you’re at it, take your time. Dating anew is optional. Don’t let other people or revenge be your tool and motivation to move on. Let yourself be the reason for moving on.
Have you succeeded in making your girlfriend emotionally secure in the relationship?
Emotional security is one of the biggest indicators that your girlfriend is happy and content in your relationship, and is likely to stick around with you on the long term. This is also what most, if not all, women are looking for when they enter a relationship. Even the most confident and independent of women seek emotional security in a relationship.
Moreover, emotional security is a mark of a healthy relationship. There’s mutual trust and confidence, there’s contentment, and there’s love. If you have managed to make your girlfriend emotionally secure in a relationship, consider yourself lucky.
But then again, how do you know if your girlfriend is emotionally secure? Here are some telltale signs:
- If she’s not jealous. Girls are naturally jealous; it only becomes bad and alarming if it is irrational and creating fights that shouldn’t be. But if she’s not at all jealous, other than the usual petty jealous jokes, then you have managed to calm her female raging hormones. Even fractionation hypnosis doesn’t stand a chance versus the H word(hormones). Really, one of the biggest reasons why a girl is jealous is because the guy gives her a reason to be jealous. Looking at other women, entertaining flirts, being too friendly with other women – if your aim is to make your relationship healthy and be emotionally nurturing, these things are never your friends.
- If she’s not clingy. Clinginess is characterized by constant checking and texting and calling every minute. A woman is clingy because she does not trust you and she does not feel confident about you going out alone or with your friends without her. She does not trust that you can behave properly, like a good, honest, committed, and loyal boyfriend. An emotionally secure girlfriend, in an equally emotionally secure relationship, does otherwise. She is okay about not clinging to your arm 24/7 because she knows that she can trust you.
- If she can tell you about anything and you to her. One of the biggest, most important deciding factors in a relationship is communication. In an emotionally secure relationship, you can easily talk about anything with each other – without fear of judgment or ridicule. Your relationship is healthy if you can be each other’s biggest critics but you never end up offending each other. This confidence stems from the fact that you love each other enough to know that the other person would never say or do anything with the intention of deliberately hurting the other person.
- If she does not care about other people’s opinions. There just are people who make other people’s business and relationships their own business. And we cannot rid the world of that – unfortunately. But one good indicator that your girlfriend is secure in the kind of love that you give her is if she manages to brush off the opinions that don’t matter at all. No matter how bad or low other people’s opinions are about her, you or the relationship, if she can live though that, consider yourself a good boyfriend. You are keeping an emotionally stable, healthy, and happy relationship.
In this day and age, men of today are so much luckier as far as their dating lives are concerned. Many of the things that their fathers and grandfathers have had to go through during courtship can be done today in a click of a button. Men don’t have to drive for miles on end to see their ladyloves from across the country. They don’t have to wait ages for their love letters to reach their girlfriends. They don’t have to do anything other than use a phone to do practically everything for them – from making a call, sending a text, shopping for a gift, or reserving a date. Technology has indeed changed dating!
Today, for everything – ‘there’s an app for that!’
Romantic correspondences are reduced to a few minutes of calls on the phone and cute, emoticon-laden messages on text. In the competition for the best form of romantic communication, texting and calling are top choices. Email is for work – duh!
But between the two, texting and calling, which would rank better in making romantic advances? Which would be the best form of communication for landing a date with the lady of interest? Which would a lady prefer? Don’t you want to know what women really want?
(for this discussion, Whatsapp, Viber, Line, and other similar applications will be singled out as ‘texts’ because they are practically the same)
Flirtechnology: Texting vs Calling
So you have this lady in mind and you are dying to get her to go out on a date with you. One date is all you need and you’ll be happy for at least the next 50 years of your life. And luckily, she gave you her number – a clear consent that she might just be open to your advances.
What do you do – text or call?
The best thing to do would be to start with a text. A text message is not too threatening and reduces pressure on both parties. It gives both people a chance to think about what they are going to say, plus all those emoticons and the stickers of these texting apps are a great way to mask your nerves and give ‘life’ to your voiceless texts.
For people who couldn’t exactly say they are ‘close’, texts give them a chance to get to know each other without the pressure of quiet and awkward moments and bad, embarrassing slips. This allows for either party to build a ‘personality’ for himself or herself more easily than when you’re confronted face-to-face or with a call.
But of course, it should never stop with a text. Use texting only to gather enough information about the other person and confidence for yourself. Prior to making the call, ask her if it is a good time. Not only is this proper and polite (and gentlemanly – of course you don’t want to catch her at a bad or busy time); it is also a good way to gauge how comfortable she would be with you on a more personal form of communication.
There should be no competition between texting and calling. The former should, ideally, be the prequel to make way for the latter to take place – and both should effectively aid you in your courtship attempts.
It takes a lot of self confidence, sense of independence, and maturity to be happy being single. A lot of people find their happiness and life meaning through their relationships. But, as proven by quite a number of happily single people, there are a lot of satisfying and happy things in being single. If you are coming from a breakup, go through this SonicSeduction guide on handling breakups.
If you’re a guy who’s become so unhappy with the complexities of relationships, and is completely tired of all the games that go with dating and courtship, then maybe you’ll find fun and freedom in being single. Here are some ways on how to be happily single:
- Focus on yourself. Sometimes, being in a relationship too often or too long clouds our brains of what we really want. You end up liking (or hating) everything that your girlfriends in the past have loved. You’ve lost a part of yourself to every girlfriend you’ve had. This time around, being single, you have the chance to rediscover your true self. Take this time to improve yourself, become a better version of who you used to be. Learn something new, get a new hairstyle, change your fashion sense, start a hobby, go to the gym, get the job you’ve always wanted – no one is in control of your life this time but you. Enjoy yourself more too – indulge, go on a trip with friends, buy gifts for all your hard work, get a new house. Focus on no one else but yourself.
- Go out with friends. Romantic relationships sometimes make us forget our friends or how to socialize. Rediscover the art and fun of being in a crowd, meeting new people, and purely just being out there to have fun and nothing else. While dating is still considered socializing, the pressure of having to impress somebody takes out a lot of the fun of going out. So go out to have fun and enjoy the company of your friends. You’ll find that you’ll be more relaxed and less tensed about how you look like. Again, focus on yourself.
- Forget the envy part. Sure it seems warmer when you are sharing your bed with somebody – but you don’t get too much space that way. Remember, not all who share a bed – or an apartment – with somebody doesn’t guarantee more happiness. Learn to find the benefits of being single, and forget about the pangs of jealousy when you see a happy couple pass you by. Meditation may be the key to forgetting about this. Just be happy about having to pay less bills because no one blow dries her hair for hours. Or think about not having to pick up tons and tons of hair on the floor drain and the walls of the shower. Don’t let your loneliness get you into looking for a relationship. Remember this golden rule passed on by the dating sages of times past: “don’t get into a relationship because you’re lonely; get into a relationship because you’re ready”.
People who’ve had their fair share of being single are notably happier when they get into relationships: they are surer of themselves, more confident about who they are, and they have taken the time to become mature enough to handle a mature relationship.
Nowadays, the word “meditation” has become synonymous with peace, harmony, and balance. Today’s rustling and bustling environment has made people’s stress levels go off the charts, and as a result, many have sought refuge in meditating—an experience which aims to bring the mind, the body, and the spirit into one in order to achieve a state of calm and control.
A relaxed state of mind and body has become a privilege these days. Meditation helps in slowing things down, and allows the mind to experience calm and stability. People with active lifestyles and hectic schedules would definitely benefit from meditation because it decreases stress, anxiety, and worries. It’s never too late to meditate—and here are some tips on how to get started.
The Key to Meditating: Detach!
Meditation can do wonders for your body and mind. However, it is important to know that meditating would require you to “break away” from the outside world, even for just a few minutes. If you find yourself attached(both emotionally and physically) to your mobile phone 24/7—detach! If you find yourself thinking about her most of the time, detach! Take a break from all those social networking sites that kill your time, productivity, and energy. Allowing yourself to become detached to the outside world is your gateway to a calmer and a more stable mind and body.
Meditating for the First Time
In order to meditate, you must find a spot that you can call your “sanctuary”—a place where it’s calm, peaceful, and quiet. Sit in a comfortable position. Usually, the classic meditation pose is to sit with your legs folded, with your hands rested on your lap—but if there are other positions that would make you feel more comfortable, feel free to use it.
Meditating with your eyes open would allow all your senses to become open altogether. This can also lead to a “relaxed alertness” that will let you experience balance and harmony between the body and mind. Meditating with your eyes closed would allow your mind to achieve a “relaxed awareness” that brings calmness and stability, as well as remove anxiety, worry, and stress. If you need fun (read: animated) readings on more meditation tips, click this article from the Guardian.
Allow yourself to breathe freely, feeling every breath as it happens. Slowly relax as you inhale, and flush out all distractions, anxieties, and worries as you exhale. Meditating for 20 minutes twice daily can definitely contribute to your well-being and improve your quality of life.
The Transformation Process and Benefits
The wonders of meditation lie in its ability to transform and heal the entire mind, spirit, and body. It also avoids you from becoming bitter about past relationships. Mediators are more likely to calmly respond in aggressive situations. Establishing better personal relationships would soon follow, as you develop inner peace. Also, the mind becomes focused and the ability to concentrate reaches its full potential.
According to many studies, meditation also helps in lowering blood pressure. Practising it daily also helps relax blood vessels, lessening the risk of heart complications.
Make it a Habit. You will be surprised at how you can attract women naturally!
Now that you have learned the basics of meditation and its wonderful benefits, it’s about time that you get started. If you think you are ready to date again, check this article out on how to ask her out. Meditating daily only takes a little amount of your time, and yet, its effect on your overall well-being will surely last you a lifetime.
Who says lunch dates are strictly for girl gossips and business meetings? Who says you can’t pull off a lunch date to beat all of your dinner dates when it comes to being romantic?
Many men (and women too!) take this wonderful time of day and fail to see its potential for a great romantic date. Of course, sidewalk bistros are always noisier during the day, and kids are mostly allowed in restaurants so they make for less than ideal places for intimate meals with a special girl.
And besides, with the brightness of the day, and the brightness of the rooms inside, it would be a challenge to sneak in for your first kiss with your potential new girlfriend!
Then again, I said challenge, not impossibility. Here are some of the best and most romantic date ideas made for midday meals:
- Picnics – what can go wrong on a picnic? Whenever the weather permits, I would love to share a cold sandwich or hotdog, some beer, and the sights and sounds of nature. Nothing can get more romantic than cuddling on a blanket with some treats in hand and just plainly being carefree. Just ask Matt Ganz.
- Trip to the local seafood restaurant by the beach – this is a very good spinoff from the usual restaurant dates, but only with more views – nicer views. Try to get a good spot, or sit outside of the restaurant where you are facing the sea. Lunch dates, even romantic ones, should not be tense and should ideally be relaxing, carefree and happy. What can be more carefree than eating lobsters with your hands and looking out the sea, wind and salt on your face and an awesome girl in front of you? Go walking by the beach afterwards, and hold each other’s greasy, lobster-y hands.
- Cook off – why waste energy waiting for your order at the busy restaurants when you can steal a 5-course meal recipe together? Start the day with some light snacks, decide on what you’d like to cook for later and go grocery shopping for the ingredients together. And then spend the afternoon judging your own food. Here are date some easy date night recipes to help you plan your cookout. This is one of the activities that would make her like you more.
- Street food hunting. Hunt down all the food trucks or the most popular street food hubs in the city and challenge each other to try something from every store. This is one good way to gauge how high (or low) maintenance your date is and how well you can enjoy each other’s presence even without the glamour of a 5-star restaurant meal or even a seat.
- Drive up to a nearby farm and pick from their fresh produce right off the vine. Who wants to pick strawberries at night? Get a taste of the freshest produce and get your lunch right off the farm’s restaurant. It can’t get any fresher than that – except if you try to make a move.
Lunch dates are far from the intensely passion-toned dates scheduled for late evenings. Keep it as light and as happy as possible, and the sensuality of it will follow.
She loves dogs, you hate them. She is into Justin Beiber, you could not stand any of his songs. She’s vegetarian and you choke at the thought of having tofu or cauliflower in your food (oh and you live for burgers and bacon, and bacon-wrapped burgers).
In most every way, you and your girl are different and you swear you cringe at the very things that make her happy, what do you do?
How do you deal with the differences in your (budding) relationship? How do you keep a relationship, despite being polar opposites of each other?
Here are some tips:
- Embrace the difference. There is beauty in difference – even more than you would ever think there is. Wouldn’t it be boring to have someone who shares exactly the same liking as you in everything? Wouldn’t it be wonderful to know things that are different from what you are familiar with, comfortable with, and learn what makes these things interesting to them?
- Respect each other’s differences. Be it religion, food, music, art – the key to living harmoniously is mutual respect. The root of most problems of the world today is the lack of respect for other people’s difference. Do not risk losing her over your own opinion on her beliefs. As long as her likes and interests and personal beliefs do not cause harm to you, to other people or herself, and do not make her any less of a person, let her be. Live and let live!
- Find a common ground. You can’t possibly be together if you cannot find something in her that tickles your fancy, or makes her agreeable to your standards. Just as much as you embrace the differences between your personalities, nourish and strengthen things where you both are equally happy.
- Learn. Take time to explore, know, and understand why she likes what she likes. Do not close your mind on the things that she does or believes in just because they are not familiar with you. You may not necessarily like it as much as she does, but it will help you understand and respect why she likes those things.
- Meet her halfway. I came across this awesome blog post at SIBG.com which I think I should share. I cannot possibly stress this enough in relationships. This is vital in every relationship – whether you are polar opposites or soul mates and twins separated at birth. At some point, you would have to compromise and meet her halfway to arrive at your common ground. Compromise is not really such a bad thing! It does not necessarily mean having to let go of all your personal beliefs for her. It means finding ways that are mutually agreeable for you and her – like postponing the bacon/burger dinner to your boys’ night out, or her not playing the Beibs when you’re around.
There never was a written rule that couples should be the same in every aspect so might as well embrace that difference. You might discover and learn new things you would otherwise not have known if you were with someone who is completely a perfect clone of you in the opposite sex. You can ease the tension though when you do things that would make her like you more. Stop resisting, stop fighting the differences between you and bask in its beauty.
Some dates are incredible you could marry her right off the open bar. Some dates are okay and you can’t wait to know more about her and schedule your next date. Some dates are fine, like we-didn’t-try-to-kill-each-other fine. Some, still, are better left in the crevices of the forgotten and lost in the distant bad memories part of your brain.
If you are in this kind of date, you probably didn’t SIBG’s advice on girlfriends. Don’t worry, it’s not yet too late.
The thing that separates those fine dates which is practically so-so in the realm of bad date and the cringe-worthy, totally forgettable one is the exit. Most of the dates described in the former are cringe-worthy waiting to happen but the gentleman only has made his artful escape right before disaster hour. The latter, well, we all know what happened.
How can you possibly escape a bad date without (a) breaking a window at the restaurant, (b) saying it in her face how awful a date it is, and (c) leave her from the backdoor without a word and earn a really, really, really bad rep? The answer: a great, fool proof alibi. Here are some of the top notch escape routes from a bad date:
- Stain yourself so horribly that you would need to go home. Of course, who would not fake an emergency in a situation like this? Spilling your wine on yourself or eating so clumsily that all of your Bolognese sauce is all over your polo shirt would be so dramatic and so urgent that she’d let you go without a fuss. React as you would normally react, and say how terrible you feel for asking if you can prematurely end the night because of the outfit accident. She can’t possibly stall you and risk being looked at by people for your ugly clothing stain! The biggest con of this alibi, however, is that you would have to sacrifice an article of clothing.
- Be suddenly sick. Somewhere after the main course, excuse yourself to the men’s room and take a bit more time. Spray yourself with water in the face and maybe rub your eyes for a little drama. Insert the dramatic ‘holding of tummy’ part and walk a little slowly back to your table. It is essential not to mention that you’re sick. Just look and act sick, like you just got hit by the stomach flu, and wait ‘til she asks if you’re okay (apparently you should not look okay). Then make your best ‘I think I got the stomach flu or something’. She’d be so worried about her getting the virus that she’d let you off the hook in an instant.
- Get a fake call. Samsung phones are made so awesomely they actually have a ‘Fake Call’ feature. There’s also an Android app for that in the market. If you do not have both, secretly text your best buddy to call you and fake an emergency like your cat is caught in your neighbor’s tree, or your sister gave birth, or someone tried to break into your apartment. Make it sound so urgent and so important that she won’t have the time to think or ask questions. Use the ‘I hate to leave’ and the ‘I feel awful about cutting our date like this’ and then offer to get her a cab before you mad dash out of your bad date.
Nothing is a bigger turnoff for a woman on a date than a guy with bad hygiene. I don’t think even Brad Pitt can get away with some food stuck on your teeth or some really strong body odor. Seriously, it’s gross.
But more than that, bad hygiene reflects on the kind of personality you have. It is a very accurate indication on your level of responsibility for yourself. There’s a good divide between the appeal of male hormones-filled man-smell and the outright smell of three days worth of showering. There is a difference between the guy who keeps a sexy scruff versus the guy who lives in the age of the pirates.
You can be the most awesome conversationalist that people – especially ladies – beg off of conversations because they cannot stand the smell of your breath. If you want to attract women the natural way, read on.
I cannot possibly emphasize enough how much hygiene affects your dating life and so let’s just move on to some personal hygiene tips for men:
- Face – I know you have read this about picking up women, but when it comes to your face, everything is a critical area. Make sure your eyes are clean and no leftover eye gunk from your nap. Your nose, obviously, should be clear of boogers and snoot. Seriously, a gawking piece of booger over dinner can kill anyone’s appetite for the food and for you. When it comes to your mouth health and hygiene, brushing is never enough. Supplement brushing with tongue cleaning, mouthwash, and flossing. And if you think you can get away with skin that is full of acne. Men sure don’t need porcelain skin – reserve that to us, but at least clear yourself of acne because it is a turn off. Wash your face at least twice a day, use a facial wash for men – it does not make you effeminate, it makes you more confident. Oh and don’t forget to get your ears cleaned – Q-tips are never expensive you sure can afford 2 after shower every day.
- Finger- and toenails – if you don’t feel comfortable about getting a mani-and-pedi, at least wash and scrub your nails and clean the underside. Keep your fingernails short and clean – long nails are creepy and dirty especially if you’re a smoker. Clean the undersides too, we don’t want to see dirt in there especially if you’ve spent the day under the hood of your car or on your garden. And even when you are wearing shoes on a date, you’ll never know what happens afterwards *wink* and she does not want to see a mini-garden growing on the sides of your nails.
- The critical sweat-and-odor areas – underarms, feet, and crotch are your most sweat-prone areas. And of these three, your armpits are the most critical. Invest in a good deodorant body spray over expensive cologne – the latter is just an accent and the former will act as a deodorizer. The crotch and feet are extra critical when you get a little extra intimate after your date. Believe it or not, the solution can be as simple as a deodorizing powder. Powder will keep these body areas cool and dry to avoid bad odor.
- Hair and facial hair – wear your hair any way you like – your personal style is beyond me. As long as you keep your tresses looking clean (aka not oily…eww) and smelling just as good. Same holds true for your facial hair as well. Make sure it is clean and not unruly. That, and free of any traces of whatever you had for dinner. These hygiene practices are really more a regular thing and not just something you do for a date. Clean men, after all, are attractive.
There are date ideas that will make you look like a sweet, romantic guy. Others will make you look like the intelligent one. Others, still, will seal your spot as the classy, sexy, suave leather loafers-wearing guy. Where you take your date and what you do together says a lot about you – or at least that is what we girls would love to believe.
But what about if you slightly, just slightly, deviate from the all-too familiar and usual restaurant and wine bar and movie dates? What if you try to be a little on the rough adventurous side? What kind of image do you conjure up in your date’s eyes?
How do you know if your planned adventurous date works to your advantage or not?
Here are some adventure-themed dates that you can score you really, really big points whether you do it on the first date, second, third, and nth dates:
- Camping – for the adventurous kinda’ gal, it would be the most fabulous idea. For the not so into the wilderness, you might have to take it up a notch with making the whole idea comfortable and memorable for her. The secret to getting a good shot at a camping date is exactly that: make her feel comfortable amidst the rocky, grassy, outdoorsy world you choose to take her to. Some foolproof tips would be to (1) bring some really awesome food, (2) make it comfortable by buying tons of mosquito lotion and packing up a really, really comfortable sleeping bag (the softest you can get please), and (3) giving her the ambiance. Transform your dinner over campfire into a very romantic one with some good music. Take your guitar with you or at least your phone speakers. This will make you look like the guy who can protect her and make her comfy and happy no matter where in the world you are.
- Skydiving – if she hasn’t done it yet, you’ll have to do some extra job at convincing her to do this adventure of a lifetime. If she has, then you’ll have to convince her to do it again, this time, with you. This is really interesting but I suggest you look at the basics first before jumping in (pun intended). I heard it’s pretty addictive so the convincing shouldn’t be too difficult. Take her to a skydiving spot with an awesome view and where a good thing awaits her at descent. Maybe a nice little fancy date with roses? This is a PERFECT situation to show your skills on how to flirt with a woman. Skydiving is that type of date idea that will make you seem like a risk-taker, a completely adventurous guy who knows how to have fun out of life.
- SCUBA diving – this is not the one-date-makes-it-all type. You know that you do have to go through a series of classes to earn your certificate for an initial dive and to make it past this stage with your girl, be there with her all the way. Scuba diving gives you the image of a ‘deep’ and ‘sensitive’ type of guy. You know how to look the beauty that lies beneath the surface. You know how to go deeper because you know it’s rewarding. Add to it the fact that you would go out of your way to help her out in her baby steps, er, baby dives, she’ll appreciate you more for all the effort.
These activities will keep not only your relationship healthy, but you, too.
Have lots of fun ok!